The Cyberlounge Collection of Bathroom Humor

Cyberlounge Classics - Bathroom Humor at its finest

Does Your Campground Have a BC?

The story is told of a lady who was rather old fashioned, always quite proper and delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the "BC". "Does the campground have its own BC ?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That "BC" business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't figure out what the lady meant either. So the campground owner finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the lady the following reply.

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take great pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground as is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous; even the normal delivery sounds can be heard.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there.

It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the BC.

I would like to say it pains me very much not being able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older it seems to be more of an effort , particularly in cold weather. If you decide to came down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks. (Remember, this is a friendly community.)

The Gift

A young man wanted to buy a pair of expensive gloves for his sweetheart's birthday. He went to an expensive boutique, bought the finest gloves available, and asked the saleswoman to have them delivered along with a note he had written. Unfortunately, the clerk mixed up the order while wrapping the merchandise. Instead of the expensive gloves, the clerk accidentally wrapped a pair of panties and sent them to the young man's sweetheart along with the following note which he had written.

Darling,

I have been trying desperately to come up with a special gift for your birthday. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but since your sister wears the short ones which are so easy to remove, I wanted to get the same style for you.

You may be concerned that these are a delicate shade, however, the saleslady showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. She said that there are a couple of important care considerations that I should mention to you. First, when you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away since they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Second, be sure to keep them on while cleaning them so that they won't shrink. Lastly, some odors may develop on them especially during constant and prolonged use. I am told that it is not advisable to wash them. You may, instead, wish to sprinkle a little talcum powder on them to hide whatever odor may have built up on them over time.

The saleslady made such an impression upon me that I had her try them on for me. She really looked great in them and I can just imagine how great they are going to look on you. I decided to mail these so that you would have them in time for your birthday. I really hesitated because I wanted so much to be there to watch you put them on for the first time. There is little doubt in my mind that many other hands will have touched them before I see you again. I can hardly wait to run my own hands over them or do as the French do, and gently kiss them. I hope you really like them and will wear them for me on Friday night.

p.s. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

The Poopie List

For some strange reason, women are less able to appreciate and marvel at
the rich variety, the dimensional and textural distinctions, the olfactory nuances,
as well as the experiential concomitants of this most fundamental physiological function.

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie
This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.

Richard Simmons Poopie
You poopie so much you lose 30 pounds.

Gassy Poopie
It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Poopie
Self-explanatory.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie
It smells so bad your nose burns and the room must be condemned.

Spinal Tap Poopie
That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you could swear it was leaving you sideways.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

The 'I-think-I'm-giving-birth-through-my-asshole' Poopie
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poopies. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

The Porridge Poopie
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices:

flush and keep going, or
risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there, helpless.

The 'I'm-going-to-chew-my-food-better' Poopie
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

The 'I-think-I'm-turning-into-a-bunny' Poopie
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splishy sounds when they hit the water.

The 'What-the-hell-died-in-here' Poopie
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out a-gagging and a-gasping for air.

The 'I-just-know-there's-a-turd-still-dangling-there' Poopie
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop.

Champagne Poopie
You're so constipated that by the time the cork blows, a bubbly liquid streams from your ass.

Kling-On Poopie
The kind where, when you go to wipe it, it's there waiting on the edge.

Blow Out Poopie
The Poopie that's preceeded by a fart so vicious, you have to check the bowl afterwards to make sure there are no cracks.

Exorcist Poopie
The kind where yellowish-brownish liquid shoots out of your ass and burns your ass while it splatters all over the toilet. (See Liquid Poopie)

Peek-A-Boo Poopie
It comes halfway out, then it goes back in, comes back out, goes back in, etc.

Pregnancy Poopie
The kind where you're really backed up and it makes you grunt and wheeze for a long while until it finally splits your crack in a child bearing fashion.(See Pop a Vein Poopie, Spinal Tap Poopie)

Rabbit Poopie
It comes in cute, round portions, but there loads of it about. Actually, you're never really finished, but stop at some point from boredom.

Alphabet Poopie
It comes leisurely, with one or a few breakaways, and when you look at it you think: "Doesn't that just look like the letter ...?"

Feminist Poopie
No matter what it looks like or how it comes out, it's a man's fault.

Blowtorch Poopie
Poopie that burns your ass so much, you'd swear that it's flammable. (usually occurs morning after eating WAY too much spicy food).

Dual Density Poopie
The kind where some poopie floats and some poopie sinks to the bottom of the bowl.

Ribbon Poopie
A semiliquid fecal matter that is too thin to be a Lincoln Log Poopie but not runny enough to be a Liquid Poopie. Rather, it looks like a 1-inch wide piece of brownish fettuccine, with some specks of color.

The Public Poopie
Poopie that reminds your senses of the warm, moist stench that embraces you when you enter a less than sanitary public restroom.

Fat Boy Poopie
Poopie powerful enough to level a small city.

Flood Poopie
You poopie so much that it acts like a huge sandbag and ends up flooding your bowl and running out all over the place, leaving you to clean up a brown,pasty mess. (Add a bonus point if John Mellencamp does a relief concert to help cleanup efforts)

Dream Poopie
When you haven't been to the toilet in 14 days, this is the Poopie that you'll be dreaming about.

Upper Class Poopie
The kind that thinks it doesn't smell.

The Liquid Plumber Poopie
This kind of poopie is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poopie.

The Surprise Poopie
You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!

The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

The Mood Enhancer Poopie
This poopie occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

The Ritual Poopie
This poopie occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

The Guiness Book of Records Poopie
A poopie so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

The Aftershock Poopie
This poopie has an odour so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is physiologically affected.

The "Honeymoon's Over" Poopie
This is any poopie created in the presence of another person.

The Groaner Poopie
A poopie so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

The Floater Poopie
Characterized by its floatability, this poopie has been known to resurface after many flushings.

The Ranger Poopie
A poopie refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

The Bombshell Poopie
A poopie that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poopie (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near poopieing facilities.

The Snake Charmer Poopie
A long skinny poopie which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

The Olympic Poopie
This poopie occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's poopie.

The Back-To-Nature Poopie
This poopie may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

The Pebbles-From-Heaven Poopie
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from heaven when you actually CAN'T poopie.

The Premeditated Poopie
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

The Schizophrenic Poopie
Fear of poopieing - can be fatal!

The Energizer vs Duracell Poopie
Also known as a "Still Going" poopie.

Bathroom Grafitti

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Here I sit
What a caper
I have to shit
But I'm out of paper

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...

(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line,
the Hillsboro Fire Department want's you.

(written high upon the wall above a urinal)
Don't look up here, the joke's in your hand.

Sign posted in a bathroom:
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!

Seen above a urinal:
Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!

Scratched into the paint of the condom-dispensing machine were these words:
"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber."

On the inside of a toilet door:
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

"$1.49 - All You Can Eat" (with an arrow pointing down into the toilet)

A sign I saw at a swimming pool once:
We don't swim in your toilet, so please don't pee in our pool!

Another sign seen at a swimming pool:
Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.

My mother made me a whore.
(to which someone else added)
If I give her the yarn, will she make me one too?

Under a sign that said "Employees Must Wash Hands,"
someone scribbled: I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself.

In the men's room at a Burger King restaurant:
It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into shit. It only takes Burger King 10 minutes.

Sign seen at a restaurant:
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.

Here I sit, I'm at a loss
trying to shit out taco sauce.
When it comes, I hope and pray,
I don't blow my ass away.

Here's one seen above a urinal:
look up look up [even higher on the wall]
keep looking up [on the ceiling]
Quick! Look down! You're pissing on your shoes!

One of the funniest I've seen was also the simplest:
Fart loud if you love Jesus!

While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall ndoor:
Congratulations! You've one free game of Toilet Tennis!
Look Left.
You look left and it reads: Look Right
You look right and it reads: Look Left...

Everybody pisses on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.

(written above a urinal)
Why are you looking up here?
Are you ashamed of it?

Some people come here to take a shit, I come here to leave one.

Don't look now! you're pissing on your neighbors foot.

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Changes last made on: Tue Sep 10 09:13:23 1996